I suck at ...




What do I suck at?

I absolutely love this question and I am so excited to call myself out.  Thanks Danielle LaPorte for going first.

Admitting that I stink at certain tasks doesn’t absolve me of responsibility or accountability.  No.  Instead it allows me to let go of ego, excuses, and fear of judgement.  Let’s face it; we all suck at something.

1.  I suck at asking for help.  This is part of my “I am a pain in the ass” complex.  I don’t like to put people out and never, ever, ever want to be a taker instead of a giver.  Ironic thing is however; I love being asked for help.  It makes me feel necessary and important. 

2.  I suck at remote controls.  Isn’t there a simple 6-button remote?

3.  I suck at being behind.  As soon as I feel like I am behind, I race to catch up.  I can remember being in grade 3.  During math, I would plow through the questions as fast as I could.  It wasn’t so that I would be ahead.  It was so that I wouldn’t be behind. 

4.  I really suck at remembering names.  I was just introduced to 50 new teachers here in Mexico.  Normally I would write people’s names down and a little feature to remember them by.  Again, I feared judgement (dink with the notepad recording hairstyle or distinguishing features), so I didn’t.  I walked away with four names secure. 

5.  I suck at talking on the phone (especially in another language).  It seems like I can’t get the timing right.  Face-to-face is just better.

6.  I suck at money management.  This one calls for a screen shot and a letter to the universe.  

Yep - that's Portuguese for you are R$219,47 in the hole.  

Dear Universe, 

I hope this note finds you well.  Please help find a buyer for our house or send my tax return. 

Sincerely,

Diane Clement

7.  I suck at going to the doctor and dentist regularly.

8.  I suck at fashion.  I can’t seem to pick out timeless items, and I tend to combine styles (so I have been told).  I almost feel like I am not stylish, so style doesn’t match me. 

9.  I suck at crossword puzzles, poker, and soccer.

10.  I suck at not finding excuses for sucking.  In the past month I have been very forgetful.  I forgot all of my money at my sisters while in Canada, I forgot my clothes (incl. all underwear) in the washing machine at Jenn’s, I forgot my skateboard (which I schlepped from Brazil) in Maggie’s garage when I left, and then here in Mexico I forgot my Iphone in the bathroom at the mall, my camera battery in the charger when we went to make an important video and I am repeatedly forgetting what I am supposed to be doing.  My excuse has been that my sh*t is all over the place (which it is). But the truth … is that I am just not being present. 

11.  I suck at communicating how I am feeling.  This one is work in progress.  The fear here is complicated.  I feat hurting someone’s feelings, not being taken seriously, not saying what it is that I mean to say, sounding cliché, or opening up Pandora’s box. 

I think I will stop at 11 although I could go on and on (languages, downloading, staying focused, starting my morning with active tasks, tolerating caffeine … etc)

I think the most important part of this little task today is realizing that I really don’t suck at sucking. I am actually pretty ok with sucking, though numbers 4, 6 and 10 are going to get some immediate attention. 

What do you suck at?  You knew it was coming.

Voice gone Wild

The room was packed with 80 yogis.  I am definitely the least trained, have the least teaching experience, and I am definitely“less than.”  

I have difficulty communicating.

My mind is great at figuring out what I am supposed to say.  I like to be right.  Baron Baptiste asked someone to give an example of specific language regarding what we are up to.  My enthusiasm raced knowing full well where my aim is, and my arm shot up before I knew it. I was volunteering to share my big, hairy goal (BHG).

I stood up. Everyone is listening, Diane.  Let your confidence shine.  You are less than. What is you don’t accomplish your goal.  Then you would be a hypocrite, a liar even.  Stay small Diane, it’s safer.

Within 0.5 seconds I transformed my BHG to this.  “In two years, I would like to be teaching teachers yoga.” 

What?

I sat down and the process began.  Why did I say that.  What stopped me from speaking the truth.  What stopped me from putting my BHG in the space of the yoga room in beautifulTulum.  I got afraid that people would question, “who is she to have such a goal?”  I just sabotaged myself.  Loser.  This went on for 20 minutes robbing me of what I assume an amazing introduction to my Baptiste Level II training. Shit.  Shit. Shit.  

What has the fear of communication cost me?

I am fully aware that I have difficulty communicating.  I avoid confrontation and try to shape and frame my words to really say what I mean.  This being said, often what I don’t say is the most important.

Back in January I wrote out my New Years Ditch List.  I gave myself this task: When I want to say something I will think how should I frame this, and I will say it.

Do you see where the problem is?  I do.  In that I will think how to frame it I get lost.  All the stories of the past slowly creep in and the voices in my head (yes, you have them too) encourage me to “say it’ safe.  Safe.  I talk safe.  I talk safe, because I talk with my head and not with my heart.

On the last day of the Yoga training, I stood up and admitted to talking safe.  “In two years, I would like to be teaching teachers yoga”  morphed into, “In two years I will be leading a keynote at an education conference.  The address, will be a yoga class.”  Smile.

 What has communication cost me?  Relationships and honesty, authenticity and above all, possibility.  This week I am opening up the vault.  I am going to see how self-expression fits.  I am going to connect, to apologize, and to create amazingness with my voice. My voice is going on a wild adventure! 

Peace, Om, and 7 days till Ironman Brasil