Voice gone Wild

The room was packed with 80 yogis.  I am definitely the least trained, have the least teaching experience, and I am definitely“less than.”  

I have difficulty communicating.

My mind is great at figuring out what I am supposed to say.  I like to be right.  Baron Baptiste asked someone to give an example of specific language regarding what we are up to.  My enthusiasm raced knowing full well where my aim is, and my arm shot up before I knew it. I was volunteering to share my big, hairy goal (BHG).

I stood up. Everyone is listening, Diane.  Let your confidence shine.  You are less than. What is you don’t accomplish your goal.  Then you would be a hypocrite, a liar even.  Stay small Diane, it’s safer.

Within 0.5 seconds I transformed my BHG to this.  “In two years, I would like to be teaching teachers yoga.” 

What?

I sat down and the process began.  Why did I say that.  What stopped me from speaking the truth.  What stopped me from putting my BHG in the space of the yoga room in beautifulTulum.  I got afraid that people would question, “who is she to have such a goal?”  I just sabotaged myself.  Loser.  This went on for 20 minutes robbing me of what I assume an amazing introduction to my Baptiste Level II training. Shit.  Shit. Shit.  

What has the fear of communication cost me?

I am fully aware that I have difficulty communicating.  I avoid confrontation and try to shape and frame my words to really say what I mean.  This being said, often what I don’t say is the most important.

Back in January I wrote out my New Years Ditch List.  I gave myself this task: When I want to say something I will think how should I frame this, and I will say it.

Do you see where the problem is?  I do.  In that I will think how to frame it I get lost.  All the stories of the past slowly creep in and the voices in my head (yes, you have them too) encourage me to “say it’ safe.  Safe.  I talk safe.  I talk safe, because I talk with my head and not with my heart.

On the last day of the Yoga training, I stood up and admitted to talking safe.  “In two years, I would like to be teaching teachers yoga”  morphed into, “In two years I will be leading a keynote at an education conference.  The address, will be a yoga class.”  Smile.

 What has communication cost me?  Relationships and honesty, authenticity and above all, possibility.  This week I am opening up the vault.  I am going to see how self-expression fits.  I am going to connect, to apologize, and to create amazingness with my voice. My voice is going on a wild adventure! 

Peace, Om, and 7 days till Ironman Brasil