The Aqua Vortex and Life

The part about swimming in triathlon that scares me the most is feeling like I am swimming and not moving anywhere. It feels like I am stuck in a personal aqua vortex and I start to spiral.

There are so many parallels to my fears and inhibitions in the water and the ones I feel on land.  Today I feel like I am running on a treadmill (I hate the treadmill).  I feel like I have taken a year off work and though I know it's been a year of hurdles and awakenings, I feel like I don't have anything to "show" for it. 

I am slightly apprehensive about going back to work because I know that these next two years will probably be my last in the classroom as I move on and out to something new.  At the same time, I see these next two years as a great opportunity to turn teaching into a lot more than what I have in the past.

Why am I feeling stuck?

I feel like I am going through the motions, stroke by stroke, but that I am not advancing.  It makes me uneasy and anxious, and those feeling make me short of breath, literally; just like when I am swimming.

How I can get unstuck.

1.             Shift my Perspective. I can to realize that milestones are called just that because they require miles of effort and often are attained after months or years of hard-work and dedication.  I can remember that it's not about what I "appear" to be, it's about what I am; day-to-day.  

2.              Nourish My Roots and Be more Dedicated.  I struggle with dedication.  I feel like my attention is easily distracted and that I am constantly flip-flopping in regards to what it is that drives me; what really drives me.   I have a need for constant change. There are very few constants in my life; my family and friends being two.  I have moved more times in the last 18 years than anyone I know, and I get tired of space easily. I feel the need to constantly change the arrangement of furniture, my hair style/color; but there is one action that drives me more than any other, and that’s my deep need to inspire.  I can focus on that one constant, and continue to inspire those around me. 

3.            Celebrate Mini-Milestones (this puts a whole new spin on M&Ms).  Yesterday I re-posted a story on Facebook about a taxi-driver that drove an elderly woman around NYC before dropping her off at the hospice.  I have to stop measuring my worth and impact from what is tangible.  Instead I can have faith that little-by-little I am having a positive impact.  As Steve Jobs said, you can’t connect the dots forward, only backwards.  

4.            Pay if Forward.  I have been working with a private student on a research project.  The topic is child labor.  I was reminded while working with him of the numerous foundations dedicated to eradicating injustice and improving the lives of the less-fortunate.  I can find my cause.  

5.            Be persistent and Patient.  If I remind myself to keep acting from a place of good intention and positive impact, my actions are bound to move mountains.  It’s just a matter of Physics.  Isn’t it?  I can do that.

What do you do when you get stuck?  It’s always great to have tools in the trunk.

Authors note:  My new tri-suit arrived while I was writing.  I am finishing writing with the tags still on.